We've Got a 2319! First Trimester Pregnancy Thoughts
You know when you’ve dreamt of something for so long, and once you get it, you kind of don’t know what to do you with yourself? That’s how I felt when I found out I was pregnant. The anxiety that swept over me was daunting - not only in the sense of “My life really is about to completely change,” but also in the “I pray I can carry this baby to full term after everything we’ve been through,” kind of way. If there’s one thing I learned from this fertility journey, it’s that so much of this is out of my control. While I feel incredibly blessed to be carrying our baby, I’ll be honest that pregnancy shook me to my core.
The hardest thing about the first trimester was silently struggling through much of the not so fun parts of pregnancy. Having to hide it from most of our family and friends was especially tough, and not being able to fully explain why I’ve become a hermit and wanted to retreat away from everyone felt like I was living a big lie. While I’m grateful my nausea was for the most part fairly mild, my favorite pastime of eating was no longer enjoyable. Every day became a new game of “How will I survive today,” from figuring out what I would be willing to eat, to getting through my regular work days, to trying to stay up long enough to make it to at least 7pm as I got used to my new bedtime.
Having grown up with body image issues, watching my body grow week by week was difficult as I found myself outgrowing more and more of the clothes in my closet. Figuring out how to shop for new clothes has been frustrating since I have no idea how to predict how much my body is going to change even a month from now. I’ve exclusively lived in my stretchy pajamas since it’s the one thing I have that I know will fit, but I’m ready to move on.
I would not have been able to get through these last few months if it weren’t for Kevin and my amazing support system and community. I am deeply thankful for the grace everyone has shown me and simply being there for me, even when I felt like a complete shell of myself. I’m finally starting to come out on the other side.
xo,
Keshia