The Reality of Motherhood

Sometimes it’s easier to say everything’s fine even when it’s not… because where do you begin?

The exhaustion from not sleeping well to juggling motherhood and full-time work? The excruciating neck and back pain I’ve been dealing with, and oh yeah, I’ve also now developed arthritis? The invisible pressure to keep up and make everything look seamless? The effort I’ve put in to trying not to lose myself in it all?

These aren’t exactly feelings I want to dump on someone who was well-intentioned to ask how I’m doing.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve forgotten to bring a change of clothes, extra diapers, wipes, and burp cloths while we’re out. I’m usually in a state of panic when Baby L is crying in a public space - mainly because of how other people will react - even though I know it’s not her fault. My mind is on high alert and I never feel like I fully get to enjoy a break. Time is always ticking whether it’s the ten minutes I get to myself for a shower or the few hours I get to be out with friends - it’s a constant countdown back to reality.

I choose to find joy and give myself grace.

My version of motherhood is messy, but it’s also beautiful. The village that has rallied around me has undeniably kept me afloat. Every moment where I feel seen gives me that little bit of motivation to keep going. Snuggling with L each night and waking up to her gummy smile each morning is unmatched. I can’t quite put into words the amount of happiness she brings into my life, because despite the hardships, she makes it all worth it.

When we were out recently, I saw a mother and her teenage daughter taking mirror selfies together, and I couldn’t help but think, “I hope that’s me and L in the future.” I’m so grateful L chose me to be her mama, and I hope I make her proud of that choice every single day.

xo,
Keshia